Well I have been holding it back since the beginning of this year but I have to say, what is going on? Why are so many people in the public eye dying, and of canSer? Last week a comedy great, this week another comedy great and one of the world’s best musical artists! I am just so surprised at how many well-loved and not very old actors and musicians are passing away of this bloody disease.
I mean these people have had good lives and were good people. They lived well and not to excess. You would think they ate well, had a lot of assistance at their disposal yet so many are leaving us due to canSer. Maybe it’s just coincidence but it is making me think, what is happening to this Universe? And 2016!
Then on the flip side it was our Queen’s 90th birthday yesterday and she looks bright as a button. No ill health, nothing holding her back. I feel so proud of her and the monarchy. I love the United Kingdom as we have such a wonderful Royal family.
This month has been lovely in many ways. Once again no treatments are booked or planned until I have my next round of scans which are next Friday. Last weekend we took in some cultural sights when we visited an exhibition by Andy Warhol, then spent the rest of the day and evening laughing and playing with our friends. I trampolined and forgot I wasn’t 16 anymore and cannot actually do somersaults like I used to! There may have been a lot of drinking and being merry too but I am so grateful that I have such lovely friends in my life.
This week has been calm and methodical. Every day I have had something planned, whether it has been house chores such as jet washing the decking in the garden, to cleaning the inside of the car. I have done my rituals most days and been waiting at the front door for my Bear to come home. He has been lovely and we are eating and living well. All homemade unprocessed foods, low in carbs and sugars, we just feel fantastic. Exercising daily one way or another has boosted our mood and for me even though I feel like an old lady with all the aches and pains I realise that the pains are a sign I am live. I feel on top of things and that makes me happy. I have felt a bit emotional and unsettled for a few hours every evening. I am unsure why as I feel so content with everything and everyone, but then I realised it may be because of the forthcoming scans. The unknown, despite thinking I know the results already.
This week I have been out for lunch with an old friend eating raw and organic foods at a beautiful location and even the sun has had his hat on this week too, until now that is….
A few times this week I have sat in the garden feeling totally blessed and wondering how will I ever get anything done once it is properly sunny in the summer. (A girl can be hopeful!) I love it outside. I love the fresh air, I love the warmth and I love the birdies singing away and my cat chattering her teeth whilst she watches them and wishes she could eat them….
I have considered, many a time, recently, that I am ready to start working again. But, and there is always a ‘but’. I am unsure whether I can commit to every week as things need to be fluid in my life. Or is it that I have finally become very lazy and just don’t want to work…..I do wonder what the future holds. Won’t I just get bored of not having a plan, and know what I am living for? I know for certain, babies aren’t on the cards. I don’t think we will be getting a dog, as we travel so much. The house needs many home improvements as it ages and crumbles around our ears, so there are things there to focus on. But that’s not me having things to do.
My vision board currently has lovely pictures and quotes on it, but nothing for my future; either this year or in the next five years. I actually don’t know what I want to do any more. I am in such a wonderful position that I have the choice to decide what I would like to do, but now I think I need focus…. Well maybe after the summer I will focus! Haha! Oh and there is the fact that getting well has been my ‘job’ since I stopped working a year ago. If I was to appraise myself, I’d say that I have been doing well at my current ‘job’ but if I had to comment I would add ’could try harder’. Then that’s how feel about everything. I always think I could do better.
Remember the dragons that guard our house? Well I recently painted over the bright yellow (when they were trying to be Easter chicks) after the Easter decorations were removed and we both decided that we probably should be normal neighbours and stop this weird little habit that we have. Well so many people have stopped us and said they love our dragons and asked what are they going to look like next, that we have decided it’s something we need to continue… So tomorrow is St George’s Day here in the UK. What do you think?
Scan results aren’t until May sometime and up until then I will continue with my ‘easy’ life as I feel it is right now. Research keeps coming in and things are happening around the world for triple negative breast cancer survivors such as trials that can tell you if your circulating cells have changed therefore catching metastases much earlier and before it turns incurable. We have also seen a small device that can be inserted into the tumour within you that releases drugs systematically to see which ones work on your particular strain of canSer. And there is more. We never stop looking and researching and hoping for that ‘one thing’ if that is actually possible.
We urge anyone with any research or news to contact us on our facebook page if you would like share anything…
The weekend is looking like it is going to be cold and bit miserable, but that won’t reflect on me and my Bear. We plan on getting out walking and being outside no matter what… Happy weekend everyone!