Friday I had a lovely time with my friend at a Christmas fair at Blenheim Palace. You may think it is too early for Christmas.. but no, it’s never too early! I had time to focus on fun things and think about giving to those that I love. I never see present buying as a chore. I love giving. To be honest I get more out of it than the recipient does. That’s good for your health. I know it. Much like volunteering does too.
I have been thinking over the last few days about what I really want from life. My friend said that where thoughts go, feelings grow and actions follow. Therefore thinking and projecting what you want out of life should eventually happen. If I keep living in fear and giving canSer my energy then it may never release. It may respond to everything that I am doing but if I don’t truly believe that it will be gone then the chances are it won’t be. I have to admit I have been struggling with this. I think I am have been thinking all positive things but I guess I am a dweller at times. I am stuck in a rut.
So what can I do to get out of this rut? I have been asking myself over and over what would I be doing if I didn’t have canSer? All sorts pop up for me such as refresher training in reflexology. I am inspired by my therapist. She is awesome and so spot on with things. I would work more and get fully stuck into my own business. Of course I will be qualifying as a health coach next October and with a business name such as Live Love Glow it is perfect for health coaching which includes giving nutritional advice. Before getting stuck into working I would love to have some time travelling for a month or so. There are so many places I would like to see and to be able to have that time off would be amazing. Another of my goals would be to have a baby, if that is possible at all. I feel there is something missing in my life and I have so much love to give. I am sure that I would feel complete with our very own baby. As well as this we have always spoken about getting a dog. The most obvious goal is to be involved in helping people with TNBC. I want to continue raising funds and also somehow help survivors with raising awareness.
There are so many things I want to do … but then I read it all back and think to myself, what’s stopping me from having those things now? Of course having a baby isn’t an option whilst I have a life threatening illness. But the rest are doable if we weren’t restricted by funds and time commitments what with having treatment and so on. So that gives me something to look forward to. I can imagine being canSer free.
I understand what my friend is saying though. The body cannot differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. If you have thoughts, feelings are evoked and the body believes it is real. Just like watching a movie. You get involved in it and the feelings are evoked by what you see. The body eventually realises what isn’t real as those feelings subside. But I know I want to be canSer free, however if deep down I don’t believe I ever will be then the chances are I won’t ever get what I want.
It is harder than it seems to change all the thoughts that naturally arise in my head. This is such a mental game that I really think I will have to work on. Meditation is great for helping you heal your mind and body. The relaxation that occurs is essential in the body repairing itself. I can understand though what my friend means about keeping canSer alive. I constantly post things on here about canSer and it’s always at the forefront of my mind. I guess I will need to start posting about different things other than canSer.
Recently we were in touch with a couple who are in the same boat as us. They too are troopers and have been doing everything in their power to beat TNBC. They have gone down the route of tumourgrafting to establish what chemotherapies will work. Having approached the same company it seems that they graft a fresh sample of the tumour onto a mouse and grow it for 12 weeks. Once grown they test different chemo’s on it. It’s self explanatory really. I have been informed that I cannot do this as they need fresh samples. Of course I do not have any tumours to get to.
If anyone would like to contact them for more information here is the website link;
This does not deter me or upset me. I have been doing well for over a year now and can only continue with what I am already doing. There are always other options that may work so for now I will focus on those elements.
This weekend has been tough for both Pete and I. Pete is still in a lot of pain after having mouth surgery this week and I am feeling and living his pain! There have been many positives and I always thank the Universe for the small miracles. I hope that there may be many more.